Tiaras and Wands

Well I learned how to make home-made crowns/tiaras and magic wands/scepters.  Hopefully as I make more, my skills will improve.  When I was at YWAM Salem, I noticed many of the women made things to supplement support and income.  They were all so crafty and unique, I actually felt jealous and a bit inept.  I was sure THAT was why the finances didn't come in for the Philippies (that and 50 other reasons I almost beat myself into the ground for).  If only I was more talented, more creative, less addictive, less reactive, more diligent, more consistent, on and on. 

All those things still are issues but as I've actually tried to do things creative, I am finding I can!  I made 2 wands and 2 tiaras so far and the girls LOVE them.  It's not like I could sell them big bucks on Etsy or anywhere really.  But, I can make them for whoever wants them for dress up time and doesn't want to have to go to Walmart to get them.  Plus, they are unique! 

I am going to start making really small, inexpensive oil samples as well, and decorate them in cute little bags.  Anyway, here is a picture of my first try, more to come...

The picture above was/is my very first attempt.  It's not a good photo as I have no camera beyond my phone camera.  But, there is the beginning :-)

The Similarities

So, trying to maintain anonymity and all, I won't mention where or who in this.  I have been attending A.A. meetings daily and also found a meeting specifically for Jewish alcoholics.  I have this book  on the right along with the big book.  I am continually amazed how similar all the lingo is, all the conversation.  In this book pictured, it mentions how its been a stigma for a Jew to admit to being alcoholic and cites that A.A. has long been thought of as a "Christian" program.  After all, at every meeting, they cite the Lords prayer, you know the one Jesus prayed.  And yet, I hear Christians condemn alcoholics anonymous for not being spiritual or biblical enough.  Some even go so far as to say "it's ONE step", get that and poof, you'll stay sober. 

I can say I have experienced more grace and acceptance in a.a. meetings than I have in years or even in recent months amongst Christians.  I have experienced more faith and surrender as well, way more.  It's hard to believe but that's my observation having taken the step to not just believe what well-meaning people have said in full conviction, and seen and heard with my own eyes and ears. 

I can also say that I was pleasantly surprised to hear that had I not known I was at a synagogue and a specifically Jewish meeting, I would have thought I was in church.  The words grace, faith, miracle, acceptance of G-ds will, and many more phrases were simple and commonly used.  It hurts my heart and yet invigorates it at the same time.  It hurts that the encounters I have had with both Christian and Jew alike, without exception, refuse the company or peace in and with the other.  Both think the other is wrong and so have an agenda when with the other.  Ugh, I cry now at the thought. 

Invigorating because this is so glorious to me, so new, so much more to learn.  No more stagnant places, no more plateau's, at least not for awhile.  I am determined to understand more, to see for myself, not all the things I have been taught...exciting

More clarity and the link

It's funny how things wrap and curve around when you thought you were looking at a straight line. 

I left YWAM September 9th after spending almost 6 months in Oregon.  I was supposed to go to the Philippines with my DTS (Discipleship Training School) for the missionary outreach phase.  I could not afford it and along with other reasons I will mention only in private, I cam back to California discouraged and disheartened.  I felt my dreams of being a missionary were shattered and that it was all my fault, that I wasn't good enough to live that life I'd felt called to since I was 11. 

After 2 months, I am seeing so many things differently.  Being with YWAM was hard.  I don't fully believe in short term missions as many ministries do them.  The whole idea of bringing a message to people begs the question that they don't already have it and if they do, it's not right and what I bring is right.  It seems arrogant to me.  My passion was/is to help, fight sex trafficking, help find water thats drinkable, disaster relief, food, shelter etc.  YWAM was to be the avenue to do more of my passion but you have to do the DTS much like a prerequisite for your General ED classes or your Bachelors. 

I moved to Arizona with some dear friends to support raise, either go back to Salem or do an outreach elsewhere then move into their Justice ministries.  I am here to work part-time, go to meetings, and support raise.  I had an interview with Trader Joes and the manager and I ended up talking about my passion for fighting sex trafficking and he directed me to a ministry here.  How about that for a random-not-what-I-expected interview?

I do not like being dependent, I like my own space and my own stuff.  I didnt want to be sharing a house with 7 other people besides my daughter and I.  I didn't want to be looking for a job after being with a ministry I loved for 7 years.  This is not where I thought I'd be at this age and stage in my life.  But you know what?  How else would I have learned how to live with others in small quarters and share a bathroom but for YWAM?  How else would I have gotten used to clean up after other children besides my own and not become resentful but for YWAM? 

I knew God said to go there but I didn't know why.  I hadn't been in Christian circles for 7 years and that was a well thought out, loved decision.  Then, when I didn't do the outreach, I thought perhaps I heard wrong.  Perhaps I am just operating in my age old impulsive ways.  That may be true but I have learned to live in community.  I have learned tolerance, or more than I did before.  I have learned to just keep my side of the street clean.  I learned that different beliefs are okay.  I don't have to blast someone's character because they celebrate a holiday I chose not to.  These are invaluable lessons. 

And, if it were not for coming to AZ, becoming dependent, living with my wonderful friends, I would not have heard of this ministry to be involved with.  How cool!

Plus, I just got a recommendation from my school leader from my DTS in writing.  I can continue!  I did what was the right thing and more than what was asked of me.  This is a first!  Plus, I have made lifelong, meaningful friendships that after 2 months of out of sight, out of mind, are still my friends.  I'm looking forward to the next step in missions, in life, in living daily witth HOPE!

November Update

Well, we have been on our tangent journey from YWAM for almost 3 months.  It has been a crazy three months!  We went back to California with all our belongings and got to go to our home congregation all but twice.  Selah and I spent 30 days apart from each other and her dad got to spend that time with her for the first time in over four years.  What a great bonding time they had!  God sure does use some unusual circumstances to turn things out for good. 

We moved to Arizona October30th and the night we got here, Selah got food poisoning and threw up all over me, which in turn, made me sick, which in turn made the whole house sick.  We are staying with a family of 6 and a roomate of one, quite a houseful! 

At first, I didn't understand why we are here or for what.  But, after listening to my Congregational leader teach and mention what Selah and I have been doing, it seemed a bit clearer.  Paul and his disciples wanted desperately to go to Macedonia but G-d said no.  He didn't say why not or if that were forever but the answer was no.  I wanted to continue on with YWAM right away but God is saying no.  Perhaps it is time to regroup, just as it was for them.  To continue to go on His leading and not on what I think is best right now. 

I have some excellent support with believers who love our Messiah Yeshua (Jesus) wholeheartedly, so for now, we will be content with this. 

The goal is to raise support for the next year to do long term, possibly full-time missions.  If you feel led to support, please do.  If you want to connect with me, my email and phone number is on the main page of this blog.  We are also on facebook.  I would love to hear how you are and any news you have.  Shalom from AZ!!

Lessons Learned in Salem YWAM



Oregon coast huge dune hill

 Things hardly ever turn out the way you plan, learn to go with the flow and be content
Having, or not having finances, does not determine your value or worth
God is not limited by our mistakes, even our willful, repetetive ones...Our Messiah came from the lineage of a prostitute (Rahab)
Man will try to put you in bondage, even well versed Biblical men/women, resist
It IS possible for 7 girls to share a bathroom and still really like each other!
How to go from enough stuff for a one bedroom house with storage to sharing a small closet among 4 girls
It's a good idea to listen to the tips of people around you, sometimes they have a heads up on things like parenting. 
Naps are supremely important and the choice of the parent to enforce, not the childs; however naps cannot always happen, go with the flow again
It's highly unlikely to know someone by first few conversations, but if intentional, you CAN "know" someone quite well in 3 months
Get in the habit of sharing and you will find yourself less inclined to be offended :-)
Crawdads can be caught by a hotdog on a stick but DO NOT eat!
Selah can hock around with boys in the creek and wrestle and the next minute put on "makeup" and a princess dress :-)
Worship does not necessarily involve God or truth (compliments Fred Allen)

Being a missionary in YWAM doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger :-) Someone "got saved" while in DTS the 2nd week I was there. 
Hold all material things loosely
Be willing to risk and amazing things happen in and around you!
God communicates with us in more ways than we can calculate, trying to narrow down "hearing" God is kind of silly
I can learn Hebrew even at my old age!
Selah is very sensitive to others feelings and healing power of G-d.  

There is no more shame and blame in my being, halleluyah!

It IS possible for 35 people to share 2 1/2 fridges and 1 1/2 freezer!!

One can be overflowing with food and money and yet still think they have nothing leftover to share and another can have visibly little and always have enough for others with a smile to compliment

It's a good idea to let go of needing people to understand where you are coming from, your journey is your own...

If I, or anyone, want to make a lasting and memorable connection with another human being, or a people group, or a culture, we need to be more tolerant.  I recognized that I had been intolerant of Christians. 

When you make a judgment, you lose the right to be heard

Ah yes, it is a good idea to USE YOUR BRAIN if you chose to engage G-d, as you understand "Him"

 I learned there are good men out there who do not rely on lust as a means to medicate pain.
I learned that some men really are willing to go to my defense

....more to come

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=
silly songs the children learned.  Silly and funny!

This Amazing Journey is coming to a close

Hello all!

Sad to say but for now, our journey to Salem is done.  Our team leaves tomorrow morning darkthirty.  There is one other family who is not going so we will not be all alone.  We leave Friday but the plan is to come back and re-do the Crossroads next June.   It isn't condusive to the team mentality to just show up for any outreach, that would be weird.  We have made some incredible friends at a new congregation and will definitely need to visit and do Hebrew school next summer. 

In the meantime, we will travel and try to support raise.  It will be weird to be back in the Christian churches but good I think.  I will be working part-time in places where family and friends live so I won't have to put Selah back in daycare, we will be homeschooling yay! 

I have an opportunity to do a medical missions trip tp Nepal, someplace I have wanted to go since I was 24 and medical missions is just what I want to be a part of.  I have to work out the details in the next few days. 

I am pretty sad and disappointed that we couldn't go to the Philippines, I have had a lot of tears.  But, boy Selah sure hasn't.  She has said over and over "I don't want to go the Philippines mommy!"  Anywhere else she says :-).  That's a relief.  She misses her grams, papa and uncle B and even her daddy is coming to visit!  God knows what is next and best.  I trust Him more now than ever. 

I feel like I have changed alot since being here too, so has Selah.  Her gifts have shone bright here, eeryone calls her the Broadway girl for all her singing and dancing.  They all talk about what a great prayer person she is and how the kids have had little aches and pains healed.  She has been the joy of the camp and she doesn't ever really get sad, it's pretty cool.  I feel more blessed than ever to have her.  I am less reactive than before, more tolerant and more gracious (hopefully).  And, I have made some incredible life-long friends. 

Some prayer needs:

For safe travels for the team, long flights and long bus rides with small children

Health

Divine appointments for the team in Philippines

Humility and harmony for the team too

For us:

Safe travels back to California and into Arizona

That God would lay down the foundation for people to give to our missions endeavor

Continued health

Transition for Selah & I

Thank you!  We love you :-)

Undetermined Change

I am sad to say we are not going with our team to the Philippines.  Unfortunately, I did not lay enough ground work beforehand for support, I had been relying mostly on myself and my Unemployment, not enough on others, in many ways. 

But, the school phase has been phenomenal.  I have learned more tolerance and grace than I ever knew was missing, ha.  Sharing a room and bathroom with 7 girls changed alot in me for the good.  Sharing a house with 10 other families was challenging but super good, I feel like Selah and I can go anywhere and do anything with very little.  We learned to eat whatever was provided without complaining (at least not anymore).  Both of us can make close friends easily and intimately, I did not know that was possible for me. 

We made lasting friends with some RAD people, from all over the country and world.  It's truly been life changing.  I do feel a strong call to continue in missions so I will be building those foundations with God and others help.  There are tons of opportunities for us that I would not have even thought of had we not come here.  I am very interested in the Justice aspects and the Environmental Stewardship in other countries.  People have taught me so much here, it's great. 

For now, we will be heading to Cali for a furlough, so to speak, then to Arizona for a bit, then either back here to Oregon in October or Texas and Arizona.  I will be working part-time hopefully at the gyms teaching Turbo Kick and then some at some small Cafe's (I have the experience now).  At least, L-ord willing that is.  We definitely need your prayers still.  Pray for safe travels, the means financially to travel, the right contacts to meet to get the right training, etc.  Pray for our team too as they travel, there is alot of stress.  Pray for their health, the children on the long plane and bus rides and of course safety.  Thanks, see you all soon!

Where am I

So, I have been wondering why I came all the way to Salem for the last 6 months only to possibly not finish the training with the outreach.  The question was posed to G-d as I understand "Him".  The answer I got was "I wanted to see if you would do it".  Much like a parent tells their child to clean their room and a while later the child asks to go play.  What does a good, attentive parent say?  "Did you clean your room yet?"  There is not much discussion of playing or popsicles or what have you, until the first order is accomplished.  Clean your room, then we will talk. 

I feel as though coming here was the clean your room from G-d, as I understand.  Kindof like "we're not negotiating or talking about anything else until you first do this". 

I have, and I will be here until the end, whether thats September 7th or November 10th. 

Though I am not equating myself to this Patriarch, I do liken this experience to Avraham offering Isaac.  Once G-d saw his heart, G-d provided another more "sensical" way.  

To the non-believer this may seem petty, akin to the wife setting her husband up for doing the "wrong" thing.  I can appreciate that.  I thought that same thing at first, even just yesterday.  But, in the framework of a good parent, one who knows the outcome and the end from the beginning, it's not petty or trite.  You stop doing things for your children you know they can do for themselves because it will make them a more independent, capable adult.  This is the way I see my Abba.

I chose the picture above because it shows the absolute abandon and fun that I see myself having with my Daddy in Heaven.  Shreaking with delight.

Mommy and Selah: NEED HELP

Hi friends and family, 


If you have not seen the video I posted, I will just tell you, we are scheduled to leave for the Philippines on outreach September 7th.  All of the children are going, including and baby and about 14 adults. We need to have our balance paid by Monday August 15th.  We still need 3,900 for the flights and our two month outreach costs.  


Please, pray about helping and if you cannot, please pray about covering us in prayer while we are gone and if God has something else for us.  


There is a donate button on the main page of my blog which donates through paypal.  You can also write us at:


YWAM Salem
7085 Battlecreek Rd SE
Salem, OR. 97317


You can call me at 949-357-8490 and email me at:
soulandbodywellnesstoday@gmail.com (yes, I know its super long)


Love!
Meghan

Some lessons

So, last week one of the school leaders, hi Al, has a bee farm.  He brought the frames of the hives in and let Selah and I watch the process of recovering the honey.  He took a hot knife that plugged in an scraped away the outer wax.  Once it cooled, he let us taste it, honey gum!  Selah thought that was fantastic.  Then, he put it in this big spinner tube and we watched the honey start dripping down the sides.  The whole process was really neat and Selah was enthralled.

Then, we went berry picking last weekend.  The berries are super cheap and she actually eats them because she got to be a part in the picking.  We learned that a raspberry is its ripest when you can just slide it off without any tugging to get it off.  We learned about 2 different kinds of cherries as well.  She and I both got to go up in the tree and gather some clusters.

I had a hearing today.  If you are reading this, please pray.  My last employer, short term one, is disputing my unemployment benefits and we had a judge hears us both today.  It did not go well and I am very shook up about it.  He made false claims and I had no way to refute it because my evidence did not get in before the time so it makes me look like I am being deceptive.  Because they do not seperate the two employers, I may lose all benefits even from New Life Ministries, which leaves me with nothing.     I am praying and trusting God but boy I sure am a bit frazzled and somewhat confused.  Pray for us.

I do have some new skills I could use if I did not get to the Philippines and had to look for work right away so thats good.  My time here would not be in vain for sure.

Please view this video and pass it along to whomever you think would be interested.  Talk to you soon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=XZRKGM1XBAc

Nature and Character

There is so much on my heart right now.  I feel as though part of the destiny God is setting before me is too overwhelming.  This week we are learning about the character and nature of G-d.  It seems so mundane and Christianese but boy am I learning so much and being reminded of things from long ago. 

It took Noah, assuming you believe the stories to be true, 100 years to build the ark.  There was no such thing as rain before then.  100 years.  So that would be like at least 8 in our time scope. People lived over 800 years then and we only live 80-120.  Can you imagine working on a project, the same one, for 8 years?  And on something no one had heard about?  Imagine it became public, this project, and for 8 years you had to endure interviews about why you were doing it, what was the point, how did you know it would amount to anything, especially if after 8 years, you're still not done. 

It took some 25 years, and I may have this wrong, but from the time G-d promised Isaac, it was 25 years before Sarah gave birth.  Can you imagine?  So, again, they lived alot longer but say you feel G-d prophecied or spoke to you about something specific and then you had to wait 2 years before you even had ahint that it would come to pass.  I know me, I'd say "did I really hear? was that just my imagination? Is there really a destiny for me?"

A dear friend of mine once said "the only things that happen fast are destructive...volcanoes, earthquakes, tornadoes, psunamis..."  Most of creation happens slow.  So why do we think the character of our lives or G-d happens fast?

This encourages me but also frustrates me.  I recalled some promises I felt G-d gave.  In 1996-7 I was physically healed in my back.  That is a huge story but suffice it to say I have a 10 inch scar to show the remnants.  When I was healed physically, I also "heard" G-d say "I am going to anoint you and I am going to heal you".  I had no idea what that meant but I remembered it this week.  In 2000 when I was in Vanguard, the pastors gave a word over me that I would be a trailblazer and one said my hands would bring healing.  2 weeks ago another person said my hands would bring healing. 

David was anointed by Samuel and then didn't become king for years.  Years.  Noah, Abraham, David, I wonder if they questioned if they heard right.  I wonder if I heard right.  I wonder this because things have taken so long to come to fruition.  How impatient am I, how impatient are we as Christians?  How impatient are we as Westerners? 

What we do today is a fraction of our lives, the lives of our children, and eternity.  What we do and are today though, determines the next generations views. 

I am jumbled I know.  But may we be a people who consider the bigger picture, the scope of our lives and the generations to follow.  May we consider this moment but a glimpse of the infinite. 

YWAM Philippines Video

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150726340610293

Summer fun and not so fun

Well, Selah has been to the zoo and the Kroc center so far and even the splash park.  Unfortunately she has been stung twice by a bee, once inbetween her big and middle toe and on her little bottom.  The bottom one just happened and is all red, sore and itchy.  Poor thing.  She is such a trooper though, she stuck out her bottom, while crying and held onto the bed and let me pull the stinger out.  I could not get it out so we are taking a rest. 

Apparently, she is a "good" prayer girl, as if there is "bad".  Her current act of service to others is to give all people hugs.  Ha.  She is laying down for a nap right now, pray for her. 

Also, I got a paypal account so if any of you have considered donating to us, now it's easier.  There should be a button just to the right of this blog.  We currently need $2,000 by August 8th for our flight deposits to the Philippines.  I will blog more soon.  Love!

What a Day!

Today we found out where we are going on Outreach! Phillipines, Bontoc.  I am super excited.  Have to get everyone in the loop first thing tomorrow.  Spending the evening looking up the culture, the people, the religion and the weather. 

Today was also the day G-d (blessed be His name), decided to show me glimpses of my past in ways I had not seen in all my counseling.  Good and bad.  Prophetic and sad.  Profound and painful.  And it wasn't through some great teaching or some really insightful teacher, it just happened.  I realized that or the first time, I am living my life intentionally FOR G-d.  Not to do something for Him because He saved me.  Not to be a people pleaser.  Not to do good holistic things because of their goodness, but truly because of a love relationship we have together. 

All in a moment, I realized all those years in ministry, years in Christian counseling, years in church, then years not in church, then realizing the truth of obeying Torah, then years in Messianic life...all striving to be good.  Good enough.  Loveable enough.  Christian enough.  Jewish enough.  There is a striving towards holiness that is good, I did that too.  We miss this in Christendom.  Being holy, set apart, looking different, eating different, dressing different, talking different...holy.  But I digress

Lately I have been feeling the need to be more Jewish.  Attend erev shabbat from beginning to end, attending shul for 7-9 hours on saturday.  I have loved that and I have needed it.  It has been a breath of fresh air.  I do want to be holy, I do recognize that Christianity misses this part.  I do need more reverence in my actions and Judaism provides that.  But today, as I said, I realized I am truly living intentionally for Abba.  The form may be different.  Different from Christianity AND different from Judaism.  But I love my Abba.  I love Adonai.  I love Hashem.  I love Yeshua.  I do.  And, I am not only reciting prayers every week in His name.  I am not only singing songs about how good He is and how I have been saved.  This is a place I have never been.  It is good.  For the first time, I know I am right where I need to be.  Truly.  Its good

Back in Oregon

So we arrived this evening about 730.  Our friends were stuck in traffic so we waited at the airport for about 45 minutes and Selah was exhausted, no nap and just tired and cranky.  We do have to share a room so I prompted her about that, equating it to sharing a house with Grammy and Papa and she thought that was exciting.  We have alot of work to do to make our humble abode ready for 2 more people. 

At first, I was really stressed out about this.  But, it is another single mom with a daughter which could prove to be divine appointment.  She is from here so she may have more help and it may be different but good either way.  We start on Monday.  I have been here for 3 months but it's ground zero come Monday.  Everything is different.  It is exciting. 

Our visit to Cali was refreshing.  We both loved to see my family and I got to have emotional and physical repreive.  We got to spend time with our home congregation and visit with friends.  We even got to visit Disney 4 times before our annual pass expired, some with in laws, some with just us. 

As we drove back to the base, I just had a grin on my face.  I do love it here.  I do know I am supposed to be here.  As much as it goes against my comfort, it is good.  I could smell the grass and trees, the sun was out, green everywhere, mellow drivers, good convo in the car...ah.

Differences

So, neither here nor there, nor right or wrong but I have been taking note of the little differences between life in Oregon and life back in Cali.  Interesting. 

There I have no bathroom of my own.  I keep my towel in my room and all my hair stuff, selah's hair stuff, face wash etc, in my room.  I use one towel over and over for a week.  Here I can have towel hung in bathroom for the next time.  I have all my hair and her hair stuff right by the mirror and sink.  I see different towels laying around only used once.

There I have one bowl for each of us, one fork for us, one knife, one plate and one spoon.  One coffee cup, one glass and one kids cup.  I use them over and over.  I wash them immediately and do not leave them by the sink because they will be viewed as common property and disappear.  Here, I was chastised for finding my one cup since it was in the room someone was using.  There are glasses all over, silverware in every room and a dishwasher that washes it all.

There we share a laundry room with one washer with at least 4 families.  If I do not gather my laundry right when it is done, I risk having it piled wet on top of the dryer.  Here, people leave loads in the washer and dryer for days even.  It doesn't get hung or done because it doesn't have to. 

There, I hardly have time to workout at the gym but even when I do, there is one Turbo Kick class a week and only one 24hr in my city and only 2 Zumba classes.  Here, there is classes all hours of the day of both kinds and many more.  You can chose from 7 different locations within a 10 mile radius, all days of the week, all hours.

There, I do not have cable or basic television (which isn't new, been without for almost 4 years).  There, people talk about how to get water to people who have none and certainly no television.  There, they talk about how to help our neighbor and the world.   Here my family watches shows all day and all night, the tv is on all the time.  People have commentaries about the housewives from coto de caza, with women with fake lips, fake breasts, created drama.  The women I work out with at the gym speak of their t.v. shoes whilst also having botox on their foreheads and lips.  Here, we talk about the latest show, the gas prices going up, the woes of not having a nordstrom close by. 

Two different cultures, within the same country.  Interesting

Intercession Day

One of the other weekly things we do here on campus is "base intercession".  Last week on Wed I was up on and off all night with terrible "dreams" of being attacked and muffled by what seemed to be invisible beings.  Yeah, weird I know, at least to most.

I woke up wondering what it was all about and wrote the "dreams" down.  It wasn't until I "woke" that I had any idea that it wasn't real, so vivid.  That morning, was about Buddhism.  What I thought was cool was that it wasn't about how "they" are wrong but more informative.  We have the ropes course here which includes lots of steps so at the bottom of the steps and every 10 or so steps was a piece of paper with some facts about the land, the people, the history, the morality and religion. 

I had studied Buddhism when I was a teen but much of the information felt knew and a good reminder.  What I was struck by is that those who adhere to Buddhism are very moral.  The tenants are very similar to Judaism and Christianity, tell the truth, help others, do not be concerned with material things, watch what you say and how you affect others, among many others.  Plus, most Buddhists do not worship Buddha as God, as I have so often heard in Christian circles. 

Once we were all finished on our walk, we met in the prayer chapel, which is a beautiful room with one whole wall of just windows overlooking a forest of trees.  Very cool.  There was a pile of shoes upon walking in, in tradition of the peoples from the area.  We all sat in one giant circle and shared.  One person was struck by the same thing, how moral and religious "they" are.  By contrast, how Christians in general and in America, are not so much.  In fact, Christianity has a pretty foul name among non-Christians.  I was in a meeting in Gaza before it was so volatile and the teacher, a Muslim, said "why would I want to be a Christian when your men cannot even stay faithful and have to have conferences like Promise Keepers to just do what is right?"  Wow.

I know there are lots of Christians who are moral and who do make every effort to really help the fatherless, the widows and the orphans (the definition of true religion according to james).  My brother is one.  I know also that this is across all religions, there is the few and the masses.  The devout and the occasional. 

It just caused me to think alot.  In my years in the Christian churches, there has always been an "us and them" mentality.  It bothers me.  When I read these facts, rather than consider myself more holy or a better graps on the truth, I thought of them (there it is again) as truly brothers.  Sure I prayed for "them" but this time it was no different than praying for my mom, my friend, my daughter, myself. 

On a different note, I keep the "law" of the "old" testament, I call it Tanakh and my reasonable act of worship for my love of G-d.  Typically, Christians do not adhere to any set law, the standards of morality have become pretty subjective, the standards of obedience obscure.  I imagine when other faiths read facts about Christianity, what do they think?  Would they say we're moral?  Known for helping others? Devout to our beliefs?  I don't know...

But I sure like thinking and praying about all this :-)

Slave by Choice

On Mondays we have base worship here, which is pretty much like church service...worship, a teaching, some announcements etc.  This morning, one of the leaders shared that he had been living as if God were more like his business partner than G-d.  This is so true of American Christianity today.  God is our friend, and our guide, and our help, our salvation...our, our, our...

My dad said wisely, not verbatim, "it doesn't mater what the cause or religion, eventually it becomes about the organization, not God or the cause".  I thought he was just a cynic.  I have seen this over and over again though.  How can we build "our" church to reach more people?  How can we get more property to continue "our" cause? Those are good things, they have their place. 

He asked us to commune with Him again.  No list of things we need, no quick "help me" prayers, just be with Him, just to hang.  So, we moved all the chairs and some stood and some sat and some knelt. 

I admit, I was preoccupied, Selah was not supervised but with a friend, I was resentful that others didn't go back to check on her and see my need to commune, yada yada.  Distractions.  I had maybe a minute where I really got quiet, nothing else mattered and the so oft repeated lyrics came to mind "bought with a price".  What did that mean? 

In a flash I remembered reading how many slaves were treated like family and chose to continue to be with their master even after their freedom was granted (I am talking Biblical times).  They chose to have their ear nailed to a post to show their faithfulness. 

I am doing a study of the book of James, Jacob, or Ya'akov and he refers to himself as a slave to Messiah Yeshua, Jesus.  I started to think, what does that mean.  What would it mean to really be His slave?  Purchased? 

I recalled the story of Joseph, and I admit the movie...how would I speak if I were purchased with a price by someone?  How would I think? How would I dress?  Eat? What people would I keep company with?  Who would I serve in my masters name?  How would I serve them? What honor would I give to those I was serving in my masters name?

I have alot to think about regarding this.  It would look ALOT different than this idea of business partner, or friend...

Selah
continuation...

As I have prayed more and thought about what this would mean in my life, what changes would I make, I started thinking about those who are still slaves; the women who have to throw away their girl babies simply because they are girls.  The women whose genitals are marred so they are unable to enjoy sexuality, the children who are trafficked into temple prostitution as children, only to be tossed aside when puberty hits as "tainted".  There are so many other forms, but this is the slavery I am passionate about, th reason why I came to ywam and to Oregon. 

I cannot imagine having to discard my child, or being sent by my parents, meant to keep me safe and now sending me away to prostitution or forced to work.  I cannot relate.  I have so many freedoms, so many luxuries.  Even now I am listening to the birds chirp and the breeze blowing through the trees and the whisper it speaks in my ear.  Free.  I am watching children play in the creek with their mud boots on looking for crawdads and giggling...free.  I'm listening to a group of teens work on teamwork and learning not to think of themselves first (ropes course)...free.  I see the EARS (environment and research stewardship) people toiling the soil, feeding the chicken...free. 

I have never seen real poverty (we will on our 3 month outreach), or witnessed abuse.  Yet my heart hearts and yearns to respond. 

Good things are happening

Finally!  The sun came out for more than an hour at a time!  What a difference that makes in your general attitude and outlook! Selah and I played soccer, ran, joined other adults (me) in volleyball, what a difference!  We have been inside and I have only been with children for weeks now.  11 children 3 days a week and then my own the rest of the time.

But this has been worth the wait.

Today, we had a fabulous day.  We went to Portland again and hocked around in the rain up there.  Then, we had a lunch/picnic together, just her and I.  She needs this I think because when I am teacher in preschool with her, it is hard for her to share me.  Then, we came home and went down to the park here on base.  We jumped on the trampoline together and then laid down to see if we could see any animals in the clouds.  Just us two.  Then, we rolled over (it's a big trampoline) and over and bumped into each other and giggled at when we got bonked.  It was awesome.

Then, our  congregational leader/rabbi and his wife and family came to the base for a tour.  That was a pleasant surprise as Selah LOVES the oldest daughter.   Right before that she was riding a bike with one of her new best friends.  Great day for her!

At Hebrew school I finally got some words.  I have been semi studying for years but never seem to retain it or understand.  I found just the right teacher.  This is something I have wanted to learn for at least 10 years so it is very exciting for me.  I am also learning piano after many years of lapse.

Things are different here but there is just such vibrance, such joy, such LIFE!

Some journaling updates

This is my only way to journal since my hand gets tired when writing and my laptop is kaput.  So last Sunday Selah and I adventured away from the base to Portland Zoo.  We watched the otters jump and play, Selah loved it.  I could have had an agenda to see more things and hurry on to the next and I was tempted to do just that.  But, I decided to let her, let us, enjoy together.  She soon hugged my neck and let me hold her and chatted away about how otters are fun and how she has so much fun with me.  It was a keeper moment.  Had we left when I thought we should to get the most of our money and make sure we saw it all, we would have missed Selah's favorite part...

The Chimpanzee with the poop in her mouth.  Yes folks, we watched a female Chimp as she pooped before our eyes and then put it in her mouth.  She looked me in the eyes, then Selah, and pushed the poop onto the window in front of us, directly in front of us.  She then smeared it with her lips into a decoration, see this!  Like our cats would do with little lizards or birds.  Selah is still talking about it 4 days later.  The best part again, was that she wanted to cuddle, to be together doing something just us.  She gazed at me alot.  She asked questions.  She delighted in the silly moment.  She squealed, "mommy, this is so fun!  I love this day!"

I got to thinking a bit about this.  The Chimp could have been exhibiting aggression, showing how she dislikes captivity.  I don't know.  But what I know is that it is a memorial moment for Selah and I.  It was the first time we had mommy and her time since we got here.  We are together alot but I teach the children so she has to share me and does not have my undivided attention.  And, she didn't care what we were doing, she just wanted to be close.  How many moments we miss like this with our agendas.  How many encounters of closeness with others, our children, ourselves, and God we miss.

As for aggression of the chimp, Selah had been exhibiting alot of aggression, testiness, not listening, saying more no, etc.  She was fighting me a lot the last few days.  Some of it was lack of sleep but I realized through this poop encounter, lol, that she needed my undivided attention.  She needed to not have an agenda that was not her own.  Once we spent some time playing what she wanted and even going for ice cream, she finished her dinner with no whining, she got in her bath with no fight, she got in bed with no argument.  Oh blessed day!

During her nap I started to ask God, what am I doing wrong?  Why is she so resistant all of the sudden?  We had a parenting seminar here on base that I felt gave me some great information.  I know, its normal for this age.  I felt like he said, remember to give her more choices, you used to ask her if she wanted this shirt or that, this toy or that.  He also reminded me that being a parent is difficult.  It is hard on you.  It takes time.  Changing innate behaviors is time consuming.   But He does that for us.  It is not about first time obedience or conformity, or our agenda.  God Himself gives us many lessons and much time and does not get His way with us.  He understands.  So should we.  So should I.

Our beginnings as missionaries

Life Kids School, painting

room

Our house/room is on the left.  We have two twin beds next to each other and I brought a refrigerator.  Outside our window is a courtyard and beyond that is the Life School for Kids and the cafe where there is internet.  We share a bathroom with another single mom and her two older girls, for now.  So our door is on the left and our room once inside the door is on the right.  There is the bathroom in the middle and the other girls on the left.  The kitchen does not have a stove so that's alittle difficult but we have a plug in griddle, a toaster oven and coffee maker, what else is there? :-)

The hall and exit

The laundry and kitchen

Today there were 10 children at the life school and we went down to feed the chickens.  Yes, chickens, lots of them.  I will post pictures when I can figure out how to upload them to a shared computer.  The children loved doing this and we get fresh eggs.  There is a huge garden for the community too.  Selah "helped" plant the seeds and we visited the greenhouse.  I hope to have time to help with the garden.  There is much to be done pretty regularly.

We take pictures for our passports tomorrow evening.  Thankfully someone on campus can do it for free.  Yay!  There is such a wonderful and beautiful mix of people with many talents and abilities.  I got to meet the guy who is the president of the Mentoring Project for fighting fatherlessness.  He came here to do a lesson, amazing!

More to come soon.

 

The stars are out

So the sun has finally shone and the stars are beautiful this evening.  The day started not so good.  Selah has a cough and so she got up before my alarm even went off and that was set for 7.  She hasn't been napping well and has been very cranky and whiny.  Which in turn, makes me a bit on edge and cranky too.  This morning I went to a staff meeting again and she was the only child there.  I saw other parents there, the dads, but of course, the moms were at home with the children so Selah was all alone.  She kept coming out to see me and wanted me with her and I didn't even hear most of the announcements or important information. 

I had told her that we would be together more since for the last 3 years I have worked fulltime and she has been in daycare.  I chose to work in the Life Kids school, because I love kids, but also to be close to her, as promised. 

Anyway, back to the meeting.  I was feeling very discouraged, and alone.  I was the only one in there with a toddler and no spouse she could stay with, no friend to leave her with.  I got very sad.  So, during prayer I shared my feelings and the prayers helped a bit but I still left feeling alone and misunderstood.  I got to the kids school and was excited for some activities of painting so I made the copies and got the paint out.  Selah was excited too.  I brought my ipod and a dock in the kids room and the children and I got some dancing in which always lightens my mood, especially when they get into it too. 

We went home a bit early instead of sharing lunch with the base so she could have a nap and I wanted to workout when we woke up and she went back to school from 3-5.  I always feel so rejuvinated spiritually when I do workout.  We napped together, finally (after having to put a sign on the door for people who dont have kids and decide to knock loudly).  I woke up feeling great and ready to have an hour alone.  Then, I got a call asking if I could help in the kids room so one of the students leaving for India could meet with her mom.  I was frustrated at first but thought, hey, she is going out of the country in 2 days and is probably super stressed so thats more important.  Besides, she is a really cool girl!

So, we got dressed and went down there and guess what?  There were already 2 people helping so I didnt need to be there afterall.  And, I ended up talking to another mom who knows more about the kids room than me (obviously) and we got to share and she totally encouraged me.  Not only that but she has a daughter alittle older then mine who has been really wanting playdates because they have a new baby and she is feeling left out.  YAY!  She is super cool, seems very grounded and spiritual and Selah and her daughter had a wonderful time!  She said if I ever need alone time, she'd be happy to take them.  What a change from the morning, prayer answered! 

Its all new for me to ask for help or even voice my needs without sounding like complaining.  Its also all new to me to go with the flow so regularly.  I like my control and my schedule!  Ha.  But, I knew this was part of why I came here, I knew it would stretch me even more and make me more like my Messiah and savior.  I'm sure he had moments where he wanted time alone and instead the masses crowded around him, needing him.  But, instead of being frustrated, he showed grace and love and support to all.  I'm far from that now but I hope to be more and more that way.

On another update, Selah is adjusting well also.  She took a bad fall and hurt her knees yesterday but she is okay today.  We have princess bandaids, thanks to grammy shipping them and that made her very happy.

Thanks for letting me share :-)

The parent

I was laying in bed with my daughter tonight and as she was settling and falling asleep I started thinking.  I started to feel like I hadn't beeen spending enough time talking to or spending time with God and had this sadness.  Just as quickly I started to think about Selah and our day.  She reached over with her back to me with one hand and laid it on my chest.  When she knew I was still there, she took it away and took a deep breath.

She doesn't need me every second.  She did when she was an infant but now, she goes hours without even seeing me, especially when I worked.  Sure, she thinks about me but she is occupied, and its a GOOD thing.  She is learning, interacting with others, etc.  Now that I am with her and teaching class with the children, she sees me but still doesn't need my eye contact all the time or to cuddle. 

I thought about how this relates to us and God.  I mean, not being with me for 8 hours doesn't make me love her any less or make her love me any less, and it doesn't make me not her mom.  We check in here and there and that's enough.  We still know we love each other.  She goes off and does her thing, explores and learns, and she checks in when she needs it.

This is so like our relationship with Abba God.  We don't have to be praying or reading the Bible 24-7.  We learn, we explore, we build relationships, we enjoy our life and surroundings.  Its ok, its good, its healthy.  We check in when we need to and He delights in that.  Its enough. 

First Meeting

So I went to my first staff meeting today on base.  I couldn't hear all of it and I left feeling alone and frustrated because there were no other children and I had to keep going back and occupying Selah.  I felt invisible and prayed in my car about it.  As soon as I was done praying and crying, someone walked right up to my car and asked me about me and starting the kids classes tomorrow.  God is so good.  We will start the introductory lessons for us new people on Wednesdays, happy about that.  And, tonight there is worship and gathering, looking forward to that too.  And, super stoked because there is a staff member here who teaches piano!!  $7 a lesson!  Not sure how I will pay for it but I have been wanting lessons for over a year and thats like almost free!

There is also free Zumba classes at a local church and I am excited about trying that out as well.  It's like salsa dancing/exercise.  Should be fun.  I'm not sure I am ready to start teaching Turbo Kick just yet since I havent even memorized completely even one round.  I've only been certified a few weeks.  We shall see.

I did find a pretty cool congregation.  It's only 15 minutes away and the 3 children that were there this past Saturday totally latched on to Selah and her to them.  They are 6,5 and 3 and very fun and smart.  It's pretty orthodox where even the boys where tzittzits (the long tassles) but it doesn't seem legalistic at all.  We got to sit in on a Midrash (commentary) with a Rabbi which was VERY interesting.  There is much to learn.  I had a really cool conversation about Torah (the Bible) and Yeshua (Jesus) today and I learned there is a 24hr radio station for Hebrew roots and Christianity.  People are more open to Messianic things here, and more familiar. 

I got invited to a Friday night dinner with the woman who has the 3 children from congregation so I am looking forward to that, yay for not having to cook!  Of course, I dont have to cook because there are 3 meals a day here on base, lol.  Still...

I do miss my Adat home congregation and the dancing.  I miss the sun too, lol.  More to come after service tonight :-)

The new digs

So we are here.  Starting our new journey.  I'm in a little duplex now with it's own bathroom, mini kitchen and even an electric griddle for cooking!  I've always wanted to get away from using microwaves and now I have too, just toaster over and the grill.  The view is amazing.  The water is hot and I even get internet right from here.  No walking to the cafe to get service.  Even the Wii works on the old tv.  Thankfully, the tv does not work so we can only use it to spend time playing, looking at each other and laughing and talking about the silly Miis. 


I thought I would be lonely but am not at all.  The community is so close...and healthy.  People talk about real stuff here, they parent their children, they talk about their desire to follow God and do good things for the world.  I was also worried it would be bubble-y and cultish, lol, sorry, but I did.  The staff and families here are so well-rounded and peaceful, pleasant to be around.  People here are really laid back.  Not in a stoner-hippy kind of laid back but at peace, able to transition, trust and go with the flow.  For a borderline OCD person, thats a challenge but a welcomed one!  So Biblical!


There is another boy here named Noah who is almost a year older than Selah.  Today after Friday night movie night, they were blowing bubbles together, him blowing, and her popping.  She said "Noah, I want to tell you something" (like she does) and so he said "what is it?" and she said something I couldnt quite make out but he liked it.  Then, a few minutes later, he was leaving and she said it again (it's her way of trying to get someone to stay or not to sleep or what have you).  And, typical of a boy, he said "you already told me something".  His mom and I laughed!!  Girl wants to talk, boy says, we already talked about this and on to something else.  Hillarious!


The stars came out for a bt last night and made the cloud and rains all worth it.  Then today we had sunshine and blue skies even.  The rain is cool here.  It rains lightly for a bit, then none and some passing blue skies, then more rain and sequencially like that all day.  Selah loves it.  She has her Dorah umbrella with her at all times. 


I am so glad we are here.  Today, someone asked me how being Messianic fits with coming to Ywam.  It was a thoughtful and cool conversation.  I told her how I struggle with the concept of evangelism since Yeshua says to go and make disciples, nowhere does he talk about dramas, sinners prayers, door to door badgering...I mean, eh hem, well, you know.  But, she made a good point.  Discipleship starts when you present.  When you have a language barrier, you start with something that doesnt involve language, you cannot disciple until you understand one another.  This makes total sense.  For me, giving a cup of cold water, bringng medical supplies, giving a hug, providing shelter from tsunamis, or netting from mosquitos who pass aids, thats the first step.  This takes time.


Well, I am off to find shower curtains at the boutique and then bed...shabbat shalom :-)