Tiaras and Wands

Well I learned how to make home-made crowns/tiaras and magic wands/scepters.  Hopefully as I make more, my skills will improve.  When I was at YWAM Salem, I noticed many of the women made things to supplement support and income.  They were all so crafty and unique, I actually felt jealous and a bit inept.  I was sure THAT was why the finances didn't come in for the Philippies (that and 50 other reasons I almost beat myself into the ground for).  If only I was more talented, more creative, less addictive, less reactive, more diligent, more consistent, on and on. 

All those things still are issues but as I've actually tried to do things creative, I am finding I can!  I made 2 wands and 2 tiaras so far and the girls LOVE them.  It's not like I could sell them big bucks on Etsy or anywhere really.  But, I can make them for whoever wants them for dress up time and doesn't want to have to go to Walmart to get them.  Plus, they are unique! 

I am going to start making really small, inexpensive oil samples as well, and decorate them in cute little bags.  Anyway, here is a picture of my first try, more to come...

The picture above was/is my very first attempt.  It's not a good photo as I have no camera beyond my phone camera.  But, there is the beginning :-)

The Similarities

So, trying to maintain anonymity and all, I won't mention where or who in this.  I have been attending A.A. meetings daily and also found a meeting specifically for Jewish alcoholics.  I have this book  on the right along with the big book.  I am continually amazed how similar all the lingo is, all the conversation.  In this book pictured, it mentions how its been a stigma for a Jew to admit to being alcoholic and cites that A.A. has long been thought of as a "Christian" program.  After all, at every meeting, they cite the Lords prayer, you know the one Jesus prayed.  And yet, I hear Christians condemn alcoholics anonymous for not being spiritual or biblical enough.  Some even go so far as to say "it's ONE step", get that and poof, you'll stay sober. 

I can say I have experienced more grace and acceptance in a.a. meetings than I have in years or even in recent months amongst Christians.  I have experienced more faith and surrender as well, way more.  It's hard to believe but that's my observation having taken the step to not just believe what well-meaning people have said in full conviction, and seen and heard with my own eyes and ears. 

I can also say that I was pleasantly surprised to hear that had I not known I was at a synagogue and a specifically Jewish meeting, I would have thought I was in church.  The words grace, faith, miracle, acceptance of G-ds will, and many more phrases were simple and commonly used.  It hurts my heart and yet invigorates it at the same time.  It hurts that the encounters I have had with both Christian and Jew alike, without exception, refuse the company or peace in and with the other.  Both think the other is wrong and so have an agenda when with the other.  Ugh, I cry now at the thought. 

Invigorating because this is so glorious to me, so new, so much more to learn.  No more stagnant places, no more plateau's, at least not for awhile.  I am determined to understand more, to see for myself, not all the things I have been taught...exciting

More clarity and the link

It's funny how things wrap and curve around when you thought you were looking at a straight line. 

I left YWAM September 9th after spending almost 6 months in Oregon.  I was supposed to go to the Philippines with my DTS (Discipleship Training School) for the missionary outreach phase.  I could not afford it and along with other reasons I will mention only in private, I cam back to California discouraged and disheartened.  I felt my dreams of being a missionary were shattered and that it was all my fault, that I wasn't good enough to live that life I'd felt called to since I was 11. 

After 2 months, I am seeing so many things differently.  Being with YWAM was hard.  I don't fully believe in short term missions as many ministries do them.  The whole idea of bringing a message to people begs the question that they don't already have it and if they do, it's not right and what I bring is right.  It seems arrogant to me.  My passion was/is to help, fight sex trafficking, help find water thats drinkable, disaster relief, food, shelter etc.  YWAM was to be the avenue to do more of my passion but you have to do the DTS much like a prerequisite for your General ED classes or your Bachelors. 

I moved to Arizona with some dear friends to support raise, either go back to Salem or do an outreach elsewhere then move into their Justice ministries.  I am here to work part-time, go to meetings, and support raise.  I had an interview with Trader Joes and the manager and I ended up talking about my passion for fighting sex trafficking and he directed me to a ministry here.  How about that for a random-not-what-I-expected interview?

I do not like being dependent, I like my own space and my own stuff.  I didnt want to be sharing a house with 7 other people besides my daughter and I.  I didn't want to be looking for a job after being with a ministry I loved for 7 years.  This is not where I thought I'd be at this age and stage in my life.  But you know what?  How else would I have learned how to live with others in small quarters and share a bathroom but for YWAM?  How else would I have gotten used to clean up after other children besides my own and not become resentful but for YWAM? 

I knew God said to go there but I didn't know why.  I hadn't been in Christian circles for 7 years and that was a well thought out, loved decision.  Then, when I didn't do the outreach, I thought perhaps I heard wrong.  Perhaps I am just operating in my age old impulsive ways.  That may be true but I have learned to live in community.  I have learned tolerance, or more than I did before.  I have learned to just keep my side of the street clean.  I learned that different beliefs are okay.  I don't have to blast someone's character because they celebrate a holiday I chose not to.  These are invaluable lessons. 

And, if it were not for coming to AZ, becoming dependent, living with my wonderful friends, I would not have heard of this ministry to be involved with.  How cool!

Plus, I just got a recommendation from my school leader from my DTS in writing.  I can continue!  I did what was the right thing and more than what was asked of me.  This is a first!  Plus, I have made lifelong, meaningful friendships that after 2 months of out of sight, out of mind, are still my friends.  I'm looking forward to the next step in missions, in life, in living daily witth HOPE!

November Update

Well, we have been on our tangent journey from YWAM for almost 3 months.  It has been a crazy three months!  We went back to California with all our belongings and got to go to our home congregation all but twice.  Selah and I spent 30 days apart from each other and her dad got to spend that time with her for the first time in over four years.  What a great bonding time they had!  God sure does use some unusual circumstances to turn things out for good. 

We moved to Arizona October30th and the night we got here, Selah got food poisoning and threw up all over me, which in turn, made me sick, which in turn made the whole house sick.  We are staying with a family of 6 and a roomate of one, quite a houseful! 

At first, I didn't understand why we are here or for what.  But, after listening to my Congregational leader teach and mention what Selah and I have been doing, it seemed a bit clearer.  Paul and his disciples wanted desperately to go to Macedonia but G-d said no.  He didn't say why not or if that were forever but the answer was no.  I wanted to continue on with YWAM right away but God is saying no.  Perhaps it is time to regroup, just as it was for them.  To continue to go on His leading and not on what I think is best right now. 

I have some excellent support with believers who love our Messiah Yeshua (Jesus) wholeheartedly, so for now, we will be content with this. 

The goal is to raise support for the next year to do long term, possibly full-time missions.  If you feel led to support, please do.  If you want to connect with me, my email and phone number is on the main page of this blog.  We are also on facebook.  I would love to hear how you are and any news you have.  Shalom from AZ!!