More clarity and the link

It's funny how things wrap and curve around when you thought you were looking at a straight line. 

I left YWAM September 9th after spending almost 6 months in Oregon.  I was supposed to go to the Philippines with my DTS (Discipleship Training School) for the missionary outreach phase.  I could not afford it and along with other reasons I will mention only in private, I cam back to California discouraged and disheartened.  I felt my dreams of being a missionary were shattered and that it was all my fault, that I wasn't good enough to live that life I'd felt called to since I was 11. 

After 2 months, I am seeing so many things differently.  Being with YWAM was hard.  I don't fully believe in short term missions as many ministries do them.  The whole idea of bringing a message to people begs the question that they don't already have it and if they do, it's not right and what I bring is right.  It seems arrogant to me.  My passion was/is to help, fight sex trafficking, help find water thats drinkable, disaster relief, food, shelter etc.  YWAM was to be the avenue to do more of my passion but you have to do the DTS much like a prerequisite for your General ED classes or your Bachelors. 

I moved to Arizona with some dear friends to support raise, either go back to Salem or do an outreach elsewhere then move into their Justice ministries.  I am here to work part-time, go to meetings, and support raise.  I had an interview with Trader Joes and the manager and I ended up talking about my passion for fighting sex trafficking and he directed me to a ministry here.  How about that for a random-not-what-I-expected interview?

I do not like being dependent, I like my own space and my own stuff.  I didnt want to be sharing a house with 7 other people besides my daughter and I.  I didn't want to be looking for a job after being with a ministry I loved for 7 years.  This is not where I thought I'd be at this age and stage in my life.  But you know what?  How else would I have learned how to live with others in small quarters and share a bathroom but for YWAM?  How else would I have gotten used to clean up after other children besides my own and not become resentful but for YWAM? 

I knew God said to go there but I didn't know why.  I hadn't been in Christian circles for 7 years and that was a well thought out, loved decision.  Then, when I didn't do the outreach, I thought perhaps I heard wrong.  Perhaps I am just operating in my age old impulsive ways.  That may be true but I have learned to live in community.  I have learned tolerance, or more than I did before.  I have learned to just keep my side of the street clean.  I learned that different beliefs are okay.  I don't have to blast someone's character because they celebrate a holiday I chose not to.  These are invaluable lessons. 

And, if it were not for coming to AZ, becoming dependent, living with my wonderful friends, I would not have heard of this ministry to be involved with.  How cool!

Plus, I just got a recommendation from my school leader from my DTS in writing.  I can continue!  I did what was the right thing and more than what was asked of me.  This is a first!  Plus, I have made lifelong, meaningful friendships that after 2 months of out of sight, out of mind, are still my friends.  I'm looking forward to the next step in missions, in life, in living daily witth HOPE!