So the sun has finally shone and the stars are beautiful this evening. The day started not so good. Selah has a cough and so she got up before my alarm even went off and that was set for 7. She hasn't been napping well and has been very cranky and whiny. Which in turn, makes me a bit on edge and cranky too. This morning I went to a staff meeting again and she was the only child there. I saw other parents there, the dads, but of course, the moms were at home with the children so Selah was all alone. She kept coming out to see me and wanted me with her and I didn't even hear most of the announcements or important information.
I had told her that we would be together more since for the last 3 years I have worked fulltime and she has been in daycare. I chose to work in the Life Kids school, because I love kids, but also to be close to her, as promised.
Anyway, back to the meeting. I was feeling very discouraged, and alone. I was the only one in there with a toddler and no spouse she could stay with, no friend to leave her with. I got very sad. So, during prayer I shared my feelings and the prayers helped a bit but I still left feeling alone and misunderstood. I got to the kids school and was excited for some activities of painting so I made the copies and got the paint out. Selah was excited too. I brought my ipod and a dock in the kids room and the children and I got some dancing in which always lightens my mood, especially when they get into it too.
We went home a bit early instead of sharing lunch with the base so she could have a nap and I wanted to workout when we woke up and she went back to school from 3-5. I always feel so rejuvinated spiritually when I do workout. We napped together, finally (after having to put a sign on the door for people who dont have kids and decide to knock loudly). I woke up feeling great and ready to have an hour alone. Then, I got a call asking if I could help in the kids room so one of the students leaving for India could meet with her mom. I was frustrated at first but thought, hey, she is going out of the country in 2 days and is probably super stressed so thats more important. Besides, she is a really cool girl!
So, we got dressed and went down there and guess what? There were already 2 people helping so I didnt need to be there afterall. And, I ended up talking to another mom who knows more about the kids room than me (obviously) and we got to share and she totally encouraged me. Not only that but she has a daughter alittle older then mine who has been really wanting playdates because they have a new baby and she is feeling left out. YAY! She is super cool, seems very grounded and spiritual and Selah and her daughter had a wonderful time! She said if I ever need alone time, she'd be happy to take them. What a change from the morning, prayer answered!
Its all new for me to ask for help or even voice my needs without sounding like complaining. Its also all new to me to go with the flow so regularly. I like my control and my schedule! Ha. But, I knew this was part of why I came here, I knew it would stretch me even more and make me more like my Messiah and savior. I'm sure he had moments where he wanted time alone and instead the masses crowded around him, needing him. But, instead of being frustrated, he showed grace and love and support to all. I'm far from that now but I hope to be more and more that way.
On another update, Selah is adjusting well also. She took a bad fall and hurt her knees yesterday but she is okay today. We have princess bandaids, thanks to grammy shipping them and that made her very happy.
Thanks for letting me share :-)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
The parent
I was laying in bed with my daughter tonight and as she was settling and falling asleep I started thinking. I started to feel like I hadn't beeen spending enough time talking to or spending time with God and had this sadness. Just as quickly I started to think about Selah and our day. She reached over with her back to me with one hand and laid it on my chest. When she knew I was still there, she took it away and took a deep breath.
She doesn't need me every second. She did when she was an infant but now, she goes hours without even seeing me, especially when I worked. Sure, she thinks about me but she is occupied, and its a GOOD thing. She is learning, interacting with others, etc. Now that I am with her and teaching class with the children, she sees me but still doesn't need my eye contact all the time or to cuddle.
I thought about how this relates to us and God. I mean, not being with me for 8 hours doesn't make me love her any less or make her love me any less, and it doesn't make me not her mom. We check in here and there and that's enough. We still know we love each other. She goes off and does her thing, explores and learns, and she checks in when she needs it.
This is so like our relationship with Abba God. We don't have to be praying or reading the Bible 24-7. We learn, we explore, we build relationships, we enjoy our life and surroundings. Its ok, its good, its healthy. We check in when we need to and He delights in that. Its enough.
She doesn't need me every second. She did when she was an infant but now, she goes hours without even seeing me, especially when I worked. Sure, she thinks about me but she is occupied, and its a GOOD thing. She is learning, interacting with others, etc. Now that I am with her and teaching class with the children, she sees me but still doesn't need my eye contact all the time or to cuddle.
I thought about how this relates to us and God. I mean, not being with me for 8 hours doesn't make me love her any less or make her love me any less, and it doesn't make me not her mom. We check in here and there and that's enough. We still know we love each other. She goes off and does her thing, explores and learns, and she checks in when she needs it.
This is so like our relationship with Abba God. We don't have to be praying or reading the Bible 24-7. We learn, we explore, we build relationships, we enjoy our life and surroundings. Its ok, its good, its healthy. We check in when we need to and He delights in that. Its enough.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
First Meeting
So I went to my first staff meeting today on base. I couldn't hear all of it and I left feeling alone and frustrated because there were no other children and I had to keep going back and occupying Selah. I felt invisible and prayed in my car about it. As soon as I was done praying and crying, someone walked right up to my car and asked me about me and starting the kids classes tomorrow. God is so good. We will start the introductory lessons for us new people on Wednesdays, happy about that. And, tonight there is worship and gathering, looking forward to that too. And, super stoked because there is a staff member here who teaches piano!! $7 a lesson! Not sure how I will pay for it but I have been wanting lessons for over a year and thats like almost free!
There is also free Zumba classes at a local church and I am excited about trying that out as well. It's like salsa dancing/exercise. Should be fun. I'm not sure I am ready to start teaching Turbo Kick just yet since I havent even memorized completely even one round. I've only been certified a few weeks. We shall see.
I did find a pretty cool congregation. It's only 15 minutes away and the 3 children that were there this past Saturday totally latched on to Selah and her to them. They are 6,5 and 3 and very fun and smart. It's pretty orthodox where even the boys where tzittzits (the long tassles) but it doesn't seem legalistic at all. We got to sit in on a Midrash (commentary) with a Rabbi which was VERY interesting. There is much to learn. I had a really cool conversation about Torah (the Bible) and Yeshua (Jesus) today and I learned there is a 24hr radio station for Hebrew roots and Christianity. People are more open to Messianic things here, and more familiar.
I got invited to a Friday night dinner with the woman who has the 3 children from congregation so I am looking forward to that, yay for not having to cook! Of course, I dont have to cook because there are 3 meals a day here on base, lol. Still...
I do miss my Adat home congregation and the dancing. I miss the sun too, lol. More to come after service tonight :-)
There is also free Zumba classes at a local church and I am excited about trying that out as well. It's like salsa dancing/exercise. Should be fun. I'm not sure I am ready to start teaching Turbo Kick just yet since I havent even memorized completely even one round. I've only been certified a few weeks. We shall see.
I did find a pretty cool congregation. It's only 15 minutes away and the 3 children that were there this past Saturday totally latched on to Selah and her to them. They are 6,5 and 3 and very fun and smart. It's pretty orthodox where even the boys where tzittzits (the long tassles) but it doesn't seem legalistic at all. We got to sit in on a Midrash (commentary) with a Rabbi which was VERY interesting. There is much to learn. I had a really cool conversation about Torah (the Bible) and Yeshua (Jesus) today and I learned there is a 24hr radio station for Hebrew roots and Christianity. People are more open to Messianic things here, and more familiar.
I got invited to a Friday night dinner with the woman who has the 3 children from congregation so I am looking forward to that, yay for not having to cook! Of course, I dont have to cook because there are 3 meals a day here on base, lol. Still...
I do miss my Adat home congregation and the dancing. I miss the sun too, lol. More to come after service tonight :-)
Friday, March 11, 2011
The new digs
So we are here. Starting our new journey. I'm in a little duplex now with it's own bathroom, mini kitchen and even an electric griddle for cooking! I've always wanted to get away from using microwaves and now I have too, just toaster over and the grill. The view is amazing. The water is hot and I even get internet right from here. No walking to the cafe to get service. Even the Wii works on the old tv. Thankfully, the tv does not work so we can only use it to spend time playing, looking at each other and laughing and talking about the silly Miis.
I thought I would be lonely but am not at all. The community is so close...and healthy. People talk about real stuff here, they parent their children, they talk about their desire to follow God and do good things for the world. I was also worried it would be bubble-y and cultish, lol, sorry, but I did. The staff and families here are so well-rounded and peaceful, pleasant to be around. People here are really laid back. Not in a stoner-hippy kind of laid back but at peace, able to transition, trust and go with the flow. For a borderline OCD person, thats a challenge but a welcomed one! So Biblical!
There is another boy here named Noah who is almost a year older than Selah. Today after Friday night movie night, they were blowing bubbles together, him blowing, and her popping. She said "Noah, I want to tell you something" (like she does) and so he said "what is it?" and she said something I couldnt quite make out but he liked it. Then, a few minutes later, he was leaving and she said it again (it's her way of trying to get someone to stay or not to sleep or what have you). And, typical of a boy, he said "you already told me something". His mom and I laughed!! Girl wants to talk, boy says, we already talked about this and on to something else. Hillarious!
The stars came out for a bt last night and made the cloud and rains all worth it. Then today we had sunshine and blue skies even. The rain is cool here. It rains lightly for a bit, then none and some passing blue skies, then more rain and sequencially like that all day. Selah loves it. She has her Dorah umbrella with her at all times.
I am so glad we are here. Today, someone asked me how being Messianic fits with coming to Ywam. It was a thoughtful and cool conversation. I told her how I struggle with the concept of evangelism since Yeshua says to go and make disciples, nowhere does he talk about dramas, sinners prayers, door to door badgering...I mean, eh hem, well, you know. But, she made a good point. Discipleship starts when you present. When you have a language barrier, you start with something that doesnt involve language, you cannot disciple until you understand one another. This makes total sense. For me, giving a cup of cold water, bringng medical supplies, giving a hug, providing shelter from tsunamis, or netting from mosquitos who pass aids, thats the first step. This takes time.
Well, I am off to find shower curtains at the boutique and then bed...shabbat shalom :-)
I thought I would be lonely but am not at all. The community is so close...and healthy. People talk about real stuff here, they parent their children, they talk about their desire to follow God and do good things for the world. I was also worried it would be bubble-y and cultish, lol, sorry, but I did. The staff and families here are so well-rounded and peaceful, pleasant to be around. People here are really laid back. Not in a stoner-hippy kind of laid back but at peace, able to transition, trust and go with the flow. For a borderline OCD person, thats a challenge but a welcomed one! So Biblical!
There is another boy here named Noah who is almost a year older than Selah. Today after Friday night movie night, they were blowing bubbles together, him blowing, and her popping. She said "Noah, I want to tell you something" (like she does) and so he said "what is it?" and she said something I couldnt quite make out but he liked it. Then, a few minutes later, he was leaving and she said it again (it's her way of trying to get someone to stay or not to sleep or what have you). And, typical of a boy, he said "you already told me something". His mom and I laughed!! Girl wants to talk, boy says, we already talked about this and on to something else. Hillarious!
The stars came out for a bt last night and made the cloud and rains all worth it. Then today we had sunshine and blue skies even. The rain is cool here. It rains lightly for a bit, then none and some passing blue skies, then more rain and sequencially like that all day. Selah loves it. She has her Dorah umbrella with her at all times.
I am so glad we are here. Today, someone asked me how being Messianic fits with coming to Ywam. It was a thoughtful and cool conversation. I told her how I struggle with the concept of evangelism since Yeshua says to go and make disciples, nowhere does he talk about dramas, sinners prayers, door to door badgering...I mean, eh hem, well, you know. But, she made a good point. Discipleship starts when you present. When you have a language barrier, you start with something that doesnt involve language, you cannot disciple until you understand one another. This makes total sense. For me, giving a cup of cold water, bringng medical supplies, giving a hug, providing shelter from tsunamis, or netting from mosquitos who pass aids, thats the first step. This takes time.
Well, I am off to find shower curtains at the boutique and then bed...shabbat shalom :-)
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