What a Day!

Today we found out where we are going on Outreach! Phillipines, Bontoc.  I am super excited.  Have to get everyone in the loop first thing tomorrow.  Spending the evening looking up the culture, the people, the religion and the weather. 

Today was also the day G-d (blessed be His name), decided to show me glimpses of my past in ways I had not seen in all my counseling.  Good and bad.  Prophetic and sad.  Profound and painful.  And it wasn't through some great teaching or some really insightful teacher, it just happened.  I realized that or the first time, I am living my life intentionally FOR G-d.  Not to do something for Him because He saved me.  Not to be a people pleaser.  Not to do good holistic things because of their goodness, but truly because of a love relationship we have together. 

All in a moment, I realized all those years in ministry, years in Christian counseling, years in church, then years not in church, then realizing the truth of obeying Torah, then years in Messianic life...all striving to be good.  Good enough.  Loveable enough.  Christian enough.  Jewish enough.  There is a striving towards holiness that is good, I did that too.  We miss this in Christendom.  Being holy, set apart, looking different, eating different, dressing different, talking different...holy.  But I digress

Lately I have been feeling the need to be more Jewish.  Attend erev shabbat from beginning to end, attending shul for 7-9 hours on saturday.  I have loved that and I have needed it.  It has been a breath of fresh air.  I do want to be holy, I do recognize that Christianity misses this part.  I do need more reverence in my actions and Judaism provides that.  But today, as I said, I realized I am truly living intentionally for Abba.  The form may be different.  Different from Christianity AND different from Judaism.  But I love my Abba.  I love Adonai.  I love Hashem.  I love Yeshua.  I do.  And, I am not only reciting prayers every week in His name.  I am not only singing songs about how good He is and how I have been saved.  This is a place I have never been.  It is good.  For the first time, I know I am right where I need to be.  Truly.  Its good