The problem is, I have been schooled in public schools all my life. And, I am kind of a schedule maker and planner by nature (now). I get very anxious when things do not go as planned. I am a lot better but it presents a challenge to actually succeed at un schooling. I recognized that I feel better when I have a checklist to check off, I feel accomplished. But, I am not sure my daughter feels better. She is so different from me. I loved school. I loved to be the best and get A's and be in sports and so on. She does not care one bit for being the best or school. This child actually learns better creatively. I had her 1st grade teacher tell me that she started to let her sing in class because when she put the lesson into a song, she remembered everything! It seemed like she was not paying attention or being disruptive but she was actually teaching herself.
It's a long journey of letting go. It's yet another lesson in control for me. I had a situation I was unsure about what to do the other day. When I was in a partnership, we owned a painting company years ago and the partner I worked with was horrible about spills. I mean, everywhere. That could cost us the job! The people we worked for did not approve of even small dribbles and he splattered everywhere all the time. I would go around and get all annoyed at having to clean up after him. I told him so frequently. He would say "why don't you just clean it up? Why do you always have to bring it up?" Really.
On one hand, how dare a grown man expect someone to clean up after them and then on top of that, to get annoyed at being held accountable? But guess what? Telling him all those times did not change a thing, not even a little. He never changed that aspect of his person in any way, not with that and not with anything. All it did was cause me angst.
Fast forward to a few days ago. My daughter continues to leave her clothes on the floor after her bath and does not even think to put them in thee dirty laundry. And I have told this child repeatedly. I've tried charts, rewards, you name it. It just is not important to her. Guess what? I was even worse as a kid! Me! The clean and organized freak! I lost everything all the time. I still do that actually but I have small children who suck my brain away. So what is the solution? Quite frankly, my old painting partner had a mother who picked up after him. He never had to. That's on her. I do not want to do that with my child.
Sure, I can do the old putting everything not put away in the trash trick. I have not tossed that out. But, I think what is more important now is to check myself. Check my expectations. My own sanity. I mean, what is that really worth in the long term of things? Do I want her to only remember that mommy was always annoyed because things were not clean? Or annoyed because she got distracted from school work and wanted to make up her own song on the piano instead of practice? Come on.
