What if???

 We are getting to spend an entire week with my mom after her heart attack.  I was let go from one of my jobs, which was/is disheartening and a bit scary financially, but it opened the door for us to come and see how she is recovering.  I got sick te very first day we got here when I woke up, yuck!  That means I haven't been able to work out for almost 4 days and coughed up what looked like part of my insides, not much help in this condition. 

We have been having a great time coloring and building the below dollhouse made of paper and cardboard, what a great idea!  Selah loves when we all sit at the kitchen table, color, read and play and that is all I have had to energy to do!  This year, I determined not to be fussy about Christmas, though I still feel the same about it (see another blog).  Being with my mom is so much more important.  I get frustrated, then just sad, for friends who refuse to spend time with famil due to different beliefs.  I wonder how they will feel when those family are no longer around.

I have been thinking alot about my own beliefs anyway, challenging them.  I remember being super vehement about all things Christian, some of which I realize I was DEAD WRONG about.  Ask me if you wish.  So, if I was so zealous and so wrong, who is to say I am not wrong now?  This thought makes me want to retreat into a quiet shell, making no waves, saying nothing.  I think back or have someone tell me how influencial I was in their lives, and it scares me.  What if I am influencing wrongly?  I had a wise person tell me to be careful because they said my fire was like a moth to a flame.  I have a knack for drawing people in, but what if for error? 

Alas, I think of these things and hope to be more mature, more tactful, more filled with grace.  That is my prayer, that no man be drawn into anger or sin because of me.  That's all for now