There is still so much I don't understand. So much I don't agree with. I recently spent some time with some friends I thought believed the same things I did. Some of you may not know, but I believe the whole Bible, so what applied to Israel, applies to me. When God said about the Sabbath "remember it and keep it holy", I do the best I can, even though people quote Hebrews or other "new" testament passages at me to prove I'm wrong for even trying to honor the 7th day. When God said "this is an everlasting commandment" about keeping the Biblical holidays, like Passover, Pentecost, etc., I take that seriously. I'm not perfect and when I started this journey, I was very aggressive in it, much like many Christians are with me when they insist the "old" testament is not for us. I was very dogmatic. I still am to some degree. I'm sure you can tell by what I say and how I write :-)
Well, since February of this year, the few people I know who were as dogmatic as I am, I've come to realize, we do not believe the same. The 1st ones, are the family that kicked my daughter and I out, saying I 'chose' to leave. What single mom in their right mind CHOSES the street for her child? Are you kidding me?
The second set, the female is filled with anger. In front of me and her child she called her husband "stupid" and "an idiot". What? Why would anyone want to know more about the Messiah/Savior you profess to love with that amount of bitterness? What hurts me the most, and probably why I notice (although anyone and everyone does), is that I was that wife. I was incredibly mean and sarcastic to my ex. Belittling, abusive with my words, ugh, it was awful. And, all in the name of religious beliefs.
Both above instances truly believe they are doing "Gods will" by kicking us out, and by belittling the not-as-observant-other person.
There are others I could reference as well. Suffice it to say, if THAT is what people can look to to find answers about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, why would they? Why did I? Do I still?
Well yes, I do. Very much so actually. The thing is though, I don't feel like I have as much to prove. I think that is why I was so angry and bitter before, why these others seem to be still. It's not that what they believe is untrue. It's that the soul is still restless, distant from the heart. So much to prove. So many people to "save". So many things to be right about. I don't need that anymore. I mean, of course I do sometimes. We all do. We all need to be heard and feel validated. I still need that more than I like and more than others I think.
I'm sure we have all encountered the really dogmatic people, and perhaps it has tasted so bad in our mouths and hearts that we decided "whatever they believe in, I want NOTHING to do with". Please, we should not let that dictate our decisions about anything, let alone faith.
When I worked for New Life Ministries, I remember hearing an analogy about parenting that also applies to this. The woman was saying she wanted to be a better mom than her mom, or parents. So, she strove to do that, books, skills etc. And she was, she did things differently, in her mind "better". Well, if her mom was a 4 on a scale of 1-10, then better is 5 or 6. Thats great!! But...the goal is a 10!!! Right?
Well, the same with anything really. Aim for the goal, the best, the highest, not something different than someone. That someone has changed a lot on their life, as have you and I over the years so why compare to something ever changing outside yourself?
I am so guilty of comparing myself. I think "well, at least I don't do THAT!" Or, "how could they do that and call themselves ___". "Why can't I be like that?" "Why don't have that ____, or that___". But, I want to start comparing myself to myself, to be better that is. Compare myself to the G-d I say I believe in.
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